toddling from failures to healing..

I have known the silence
that follows shattered dreams
the kind that lingers
long after the world has moved on.

I have stood at doors
that never opened,
watched hands slip away,
and gathered the pieces
of promises that never became forever.

There were days
when rejection became my mirror,
and I mistook closed paths
for my own worth.

I questioned fate.
I questioned time.
Sometimes,
I even questioned myself.

Yet somewhere between
the tears I could not explain,
the sleepless nights,
the endless cups of tea,
and the pages I kept turning despite it all,

something quietly changed.

I stopped asking,
“Why not me?”

And began asking,

“What is life preparing me for?”

Healing did not arrive like a sunrise.

It came like dawn—
slow, almost unnoticed,
until one day
I realized the darkness
no longer frightened me.

Today, I no longer compete, compare with other’s happiness.

Their journey is theirs.

Mine is mine.

I have learned
that life is not a race,
love is not a competition,
and destiny does not wear a watch.

What is meant for me will never lose its way.

So I walk on—
not because I know
what tomorrow holds,

but because I have finally learned
to trust that every unanswered prayer,
every broken plan,
every failure,
and every goodbye

was gently leading me

back to myself.

And perhaps,

that was the greatest victory

in a way !✨

Winning , quietly !

Anxiety never looked the way I imagined.

It did not arrive as a thunder.

It arrived as a racing heart, trembling hands
in an ordinary room on a ordinary day

As sleepless nights that stretched into dawn.

As a thousand futures my mind insisted
I survive
before they had even begun.

For a long time, I believed peace was something I had to chase.

But peace, I discovered was never running ahead of me.

It was waiting
in the breath
I kept forgetting to take.

So I began there.

One slow inhale.

One quiet exhale.

Not to silence the storm—

only to remind myself that I am still here.

The fear did not disappear.

It simply grew less convincing.

The thoughts still knock.

I just stopped opening every door.

Days became gentler.

Tea tasted warm again.

Books
held my attention a little longer.

Laughter
returned without asking permission.

Life,
which anxiety had reduced to survival,

slowly remembered how to become living.

I no longer measure my strength
by the days
I don’t feel afraid.

I measure it
by every morning
when I chose hope
while fear
quietly waits..

The storms still visit, whenever  that name flashes out of nowhere or the ambulance pass by..

But they no longer introduce themselves as lost forevers.

I have watched too many dawns arrive faithfully after impossible nights

to believe
darkness
is permanent.

Now,

when anxiety whispers that I am not enough,

I smile with the tenderness of someone
who has stopped arguing with every shadow.

Because I know this—

I have survived every trembling heartbeat.

Every sleepless night.

Every imagined ending.

And each time,

I have found
my way back
to myself.

Quietly.

Again.

And again !🌼

Trusting the process..

I once believed
that every fall, every failure
was a verdict on my worth.

Every closed door
echoed the same question—

“Am I not enough?”

So I carried my failures
like stones in my pocket,
growing heavier
with every dream that slipped away.

I watched others arrive
where I had hoped to be,
and mistook their timing
for my defeat.

But life has a strange way
of teaching what success never can.

It strips away certainty,
breaks the illusions we cling to,
and leaves us standing
with nothing—

except ourselves.

And there,
in that quiet place,
I met the person
I had overlooked for years.

Me.

Not the version measured
by acceptance or rejection.

Not the one waiting
for someone’s approval.

But the soul that remained
when everything else fell apart.

Slowly, I stopped chasing proof
that I was worthy.

I began living
as though I already was.

I learned that flowers
do not bloom together,
yet none of them
questions the spring.

The river never argues with the mountains.

It simply trusts that every bend is leading it home.

So now,
I trust the process.

I no longer ask life to hurry.

What is delayed is not always denied.

What is lost is not always meant to stay.

And what is truly mine
will never require me
to abandon myself.

Today, I wear my scars
like quiet constellations

not reminders of failure,

but proof

that even broken skies

can still become

full of stars.

For I have discovered
the greatest destination
was never success alone—

it was finding my own worth,

and finally believing

that I was enough,

all along.

I missed you quietly today,

so quietly that no one noticed..

I missed you as I climbed out of bed

and as I brushed my teeth

When I waited at the lights on the drive into work and as I heard the rain outside my window

I missed you as I ordered lunch

And as I kicked off my shoes when I got home

And as I switched off the lights and I climbed into bed for the night..

I missed you without tears, or noise or fanfare..

But how i felt it…..

I felt it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and at night

I felt it as I woke..as I waited, as I worked..

I felt it at home, on the road, in the light, in the dark, in the rain..

I felt it in every one of those moments

Each one sitting heavier and heavier, as the weight of me missing you kept growing and growing..

Yes, i missed you so quietly today

But I felt it so loudly………

🍂🍁

the beginning..

All of my life i craved

about how my story will end

that i didn’t apprehend

when the “beginning” took a backseat

I looked for fantasies

oblivious of the truth

which was right in front of me.

I was so scared of drowning

that i didnt realise,

that you dont drown simply by falling in the water.

You drown if you chose to stay there.

I didnt realise that to reach the ocean, you dive into the sea first.

Who knows the sea would have lead you to the shore, you were looking for !!

Serenity..

Maybe being courageous isn’t about

One grand act or a big moment..

Maybe being brave doesnt come loudly

Maybe it’s quiet sometimes.

Softer.Gentler. Small steps a little bit slower.

Maybe courage is in the little choices you make each day.

Taking one small step out of your comfort zone

Being just a little bit more you and letting your true self be heard and seen.

Giving today all you have and be the best version of yourself.

Showing up no matter how hard

Trusting your intuition and heart

Maybe courage isnt reserved for the big moments – but for all of the little moments in between too.

Bounding down a straight narrow path and I came to a startling halt..

Before me a towering mountain and on each side the path splits off..

I stood there for quite some time, unsure of the road which to travel.

Overthinking the right path to pick , as i kicked at the grass and the gravel

“Which way?” I pondered obsessively.

I weighed what I’d win and lose.

Concluded that climbing up, over the mountain, meant that I wont have to choose.

But it also meant an upaved path with dangerous , rugged terrain.

The unknown outcome of freedom – a choice less exciting escape.

So, i ran to the base and began to climb to the top in a restless pursuit.

It’s an obstacle course and much tougher route.

But an adventure i couldnt refuse.

Sunshine !

One more year gone by..like that..

You were the lighthouse

during a storm

The sunlight that filters

through the trees

The pulsating stars on the darkest night

You were majestic in every sense of the word.

your soul used to cast a healing light on everyone

Coz ,you were sunshine in human form !!

Papa

What to say, what to write..

Inside of me is brimming with sadness, tears and just want to burst out and let it all out..but even that I know ,wouldn’t help..

Its been 4 months and how they have gone only  we know..each and every moment , every second has nothing been less of a turmoil..

Everything was getting back to falling in place and life seemed to be nothing short of perfect but then this sudden stumble and all of it straight on the ground..

Nothing will ever be the same again..not even a bit..and the worst part will have to live like this for the rest of our lives..

Never thought in the wildest of dream that everything will turn upside down like this in a fraction of second..

Maybe a part of me had still not been able to believe that he is not here, no more around and will never get to see him..ever..

Just a day before, everything was working fine and he was recovering..dont know where the things went wrong , what happened abruptly that within an hour he was gone..leaving behind a constant pain , a permanent void..

Its been even worse for me ,coz i couldnt even see him , speak to him for the last time. I didnt go to hospital because i believed he will surely get well and will return home with that smile of his..

But what i saw coming was him wrapped in that plastic kit in an ambulance..lying all motionless..

Still not been able to get that sight out of my mind , still not being able to sleep at night..thats the worst thing to happen to anyone..to see their parent dead..

I dont know how i have been carrying myself , I dont know why I am even alive..the only person for whom I worked hard , the only person for whom I wanted to achieve everything and the only person whom I wanted to make proud is no more..

Its kind of my reason for living is gone and I dont know for how long will I be able to drag life like this..

That smile and the sign of satisfaction that came on this face whenever I was awarded or achieved something , was my only reason for keep moving forward..and now its gone..

Life has slowed down , should say came to a halt, home doesnt feel like home anymore..theirs a emptiness everywhere..

Though I still go to work , still talk and smile with everyone but coz i dont have any other way out..its all pretence coz actual reason for happiness is gone..forever !!

The worst part i cant say this all to anyone coz….wht to say.

Just wanted to write it all down..maybe heart will feel a little lighter..maybe..

For the purest pious soul that my papa was i know for sure he must be in the most pristine place !

How i wish i would have never outgrown his lap , maybe then he would have never left ! Wishing i get to see him on the other side of the world soon..